


fall down seven times, stand up eight

by Anonymous



Category: Star Wars: Resistance (Cartoon)
Genre: Backstory, Friends With Benefits, Friends With Benefits (With Feelings), Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M, Meet the Family, Post-Canon, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:54:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29093817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: A day after the Battle of Exegol, Kaz leaves the Resistance to return to his homeworld.Six months later, when Kaz invites everyone to join him on Kihara for an annual festival, Norath goes along with the hope that maybe they can turn their casual friends-with-benefits arrangement into something more permanent - if they can get past all the nerves, secrets, and insecurities standing in their way, that is.
Relationships: Kazuda Xiono/Norath Kev
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2
Collections: Five Figure Fanwork Exchange 2020





	fall down seven times, stand up eight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ambiguously](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambiguously/gifts).



> Thank you for giving me this prompt, this finally gave me an excuse to watch the show and I had so much fun with it! This was mostly inspired by the fact I felt we never got enough on Kaz's background or family in the show (and nothing on Norath's!). Kaz is definitely a rich kid, so I wanted to play with that a little. Also, Kaz's dad is a Senator and I don't think he's the Senator for Hosnian Prime, so that inspired me to think about which world he might represent, and how that other homeworld might've influenced Kaz. Add to that a little friends-with-benefits-with-feelings (I love this trope) and this fic was born. Hope you enjoy!

The morning after they save the galaxy, Kaz wakes up with a crick in his neck and no clear idea of where exactly he is.

The confusion is probably due to the excessive amount of alcohol he consumed last night rather than brain damage, he hopes, as he looks out at a wall of green and brown vegetation that is definitely _not_ the _Colossus_. The ache in his neck - and everywhere else, now he thinks about it - is explained by the fact that he seems to be in some kind of open tent, squashed onto a camp bed with someone else at his back.

And he’s naked, which makes the someone-else-on-his-camp-bed thing potentially _very_ awkward.

When he looks over his shoulder, it’s a great relief to find Norath there, fast asleep and drooling slightly. _Right. So, that happened. Again._ A little worm of _something_ wriggles deep in the pit of his stomach, but as usual, Kaz doesn’t inspect it too closely. Instead, after checking that no one’s in sight, he disentangles himself from Norath’s sleeping form and gets up to start hunting for his clothes.

A few minutes later, now fully clothed and possessing a slightly clearer idea of what had gone on the night before, Kaz walks back to the clearing where there had been a big bonfire last night, hoping that someone will already be up and making food. True to form, Neeku is up early; he sits on one of the scattered stumps they’ve been using as seats, watching intently as Rose sets up a tripod over the low-burning fire.

“Kaz! You are up early!” he exclaims when Kaz sits down beside him.

“S’ all that,” Kaz mutters, waving a hand vaguely toward the tree line. The jungle is alive with noise, a whole chorus of animals calling and screeching to each other hidden in the foliage. Kaz, used to the soundproofed silence of his parents’ home on Hosnian Prime, has never quite managed to get used to background noise while he’s sleeping, whether it was the wash of Castilon’s waves or the low hum of the _Colossus’_ life support systems.

“It kept me up all night as well, the first week here,” Rose says as she sets a kettle onto the tripod. “I’ll make us all a cup of caf. You look like you could use it,” she adds, giving Kaz a cheeky grin.

“Gee, thanks,” he says, but finds himself grinning in reply.

“You do look excessively pale this morning, Kaz.”

“Thanks, Neeku.”

“I only meant-”

Behind them, someone clears their throat. Kaz jumps and stands, half expecting it to be Poe or Yeager, about to admonish him for lazing around-

When he sees who it actually is, the bottom still drops out of his stomach.

Sotanko gives him a low, respectful bow. “ _Si nin,_ Kazuda. Master and Mistress Xiono request your presence.”

Kaz fights the urge to roll his eyes. It’s always ‘Master and Mistress Xiono’ with Sotanko, when he could have just said ‘your parents’. Then again, he wouldn’t be Sotanko if he wasn’t being pedantically formal at all times.

Neeku starts to speak, his face drawn down in a frown, but Kaz lays a hand on his shoulder. “It’s fine. It’s just family stuff; I’ll be back in a bit.” Then he nods to Sotanko, who turns and begins to lead him through the trees.

Not even half the ships that had come to help in the battle on Exegol have come back to Ajan Kloss, and still the impromptu landing field is spread across several miles of jungle. The camp is slowly coming alive as they walk through it, with people gathering around fires or setting up with their breakfasts by their ships, enjoying the chance for a slow morning on a beautiful planet. Still more are hurrying busily about, refuelling or making pre-flight checks, already preparing to leave. Kaz wonders silently how many will stay, and who among them will commit to more than just a single, all-or-nothing battle.

Sotanko, beside him, is equally as silent. The older man has been part of his parents’ household staff since before Kaz was born, so he’s a familiar - if not entirely comforting - presence. Reserved by nature, he’s rarely inclined to speak his mind, and Kaz has learnt from long experience that enquiring after any of his deeper thoughts will just result in being stonewalled.

As they round another ship and come into sight of the small fleet Kaz’s father brought from Kihara, Kaz’s stomach sinks. The little camp is a hive of activity; clearly his parents are among those preparing to leave.

He is the recipient of many bows and low, respectful mutters as he and Sotanko make their way toward the ship near the centre of the crowd. It’s not the Kiharan flagship - Kaz saw that among the armada, but it’s too large for it to be practical to make a landing planet-side. Instead, his parents are waiting for him beside his mother’s own personal shuttle, a sleek craft formed like an elegant silver arrow.

A pavilion has been set up to shield the occupants from the already blazing morning sun, the pale purple and green silk fluttering in the soft breeze. His mother and father sit, their legs crossed and backs ramrod straight, on thin cushions surrounding the low table.

Kaz takes a deep breath, and steps under the pavilion to join them.

His father is quietly irate, clearly stewing about something, his face folded into a deep scowl. His mother, by contrast, looks wryly amused. “It seems you had fun last night, Kazuda,” she says as he takes a seat opposite his father.

Something defencive flares in his chest, but he pushes down the impulse to say something sharp in retort. He doesn’t have to remind his mother that the First Order’s defeat was the culmination of everything he’s been working toward for the last two years. She knows - hopefully she also _cares_. “It was a good night,” he says neutrally, and smiles at the young woman who kneels down to pour black tea into his cup. “I see you’re already preparing to leave.”

“We did not feel we could miss the chance to take down the First Order for good,” his mother says, “but coming here has severely weakened Kihara’s defences. We need to get back as soon as possible. Thus, we needed to meet with you now.” She pauses, and Kaz expects her to say something about how it’s good to get the chance to see him, even if briefly. A small, secret part of him hopes she’ll say that she missed him.

Instead, what his mother says is, “We want you to come back to Kihara with us, Kazuda.”

The tea cup in his hand stops halfway to his mouth. “What?”

“You’ve spent long enough with this _rabble_ -” his father begins, but his mother stops him in his tracks with one motion of her outstretched hand.

“Peace, Hamato,” she says, sending him an icy look. Her face softens as she turns back to Kaz. “We may all three of us have differing opinions on how you went about things, Kazuda-” here his father snorts, though he says nothing, “-but the results cannot be denied. Through the actions of yourself and the Resistance, the threat of the First Order has been all but wiped out. You have acquitted yourself admirably.”

“Thank you,” Kaz says, a little bubble of warmth glowing for a moment in his chest. His mother is the type of woman who rarely gives out praise, so he knows that she sincerely means every word. Then he frowns. “But you want me to leave them.”

“You have won the day for the galaxy - but there is still much to be set right. I have no doubt some new galactic government will rise from the ashes of Hosnian,” she says, and both his parents’ faces crease with the pain that’s mirrored deep in Kaz’s chest, “Maybe even another New Republic. You could join this burgeoning polity and set to hunting down the remaining First Order forces, and there would be honour and glory in that.” She pauses for a moment, and a deep sadness comes over her face. “But we have suffered the ravages of the First Order on Kihara, Kazuda.”

Kaz swallows. “I- I know. I heard.”

“They never managed to complete their invasion, but the ships they did land caused much destruction, and great harm to all our citizens. We are only now beginning to set right what was broken.” She fixes him with an intense look. “Now, in the aftermath of war, strong, honourable leaders are needed more than ever, Kazuda.”

Unable to hold her gaze, Kaz looks down at the tea cup in his hand. He hasn’t taken a sip of its contents.

The problem is that his mother has always been an excellent orator. She’s famous for it, in fact. And even though he _knows_ that - knows that her words are picked with the utmost care, planned to touch on his weak spots like a finger pressing on a bruise - they still conjure up painful, horrific images in his mind.

He has always been a child of two worlds, at home in both the luxurious Senatorial apartment on Hosnian where his father entertained the cream of New Republic society, and at the ancient, sprawling estate on Kihara, nestled in the foothills of the mountains, where his grandparents held court. While he was working for the Resistance, the First Order reduced Hosnian Prime to so much fractured rock and space dust; what horrors have they visited on his homeworld? The images of burning forests and towns in his mind’s eye make him sick to his stomach.

“What is it you want me to do?” he asks, forcing himself to take a sip of his tea.

“I have a few positions in mind - but you can work out exactly what suits you best in time. The point is, an heir of Clan Xiono commands a lot of influence. They can make things happen by the very nature of their position.”

That’s true enough - Kaz knows the way things work on Kihara, though he’s not entirely sure he’s comfortable with it. “Even if he is only…third in line for Clan Leader?” he asks, trying to add some levity to his tone.

“Fourth,” his mother corrects, “Your cousin and his wife celebrated the birth of their first child this year.”

The words are an unexpected lance to his heart, and suddenly he’s struck with a homesickness so strong it’s almost physically painful. He hasn’t seen any of his family aside from his parents for over two years, and he _misses_ them. He misses _home_. Maybe it’s selfish - no, it’s most definitely selfish - but his mother’s words have stirred up a desperate wish to go to Kihara. To go _home_.

He glances to his left, where he knows he’ll see the huge bulk of the _Colossus_ rearing up against the eastern sky. She took some heavy hits in the fighting, and they’ve come planet-side to patch her up a bit before moving on. To where, no one knows. He thinks maybe, with the threat of the First Order neutralised, they’ll find another planet to call home, and settle back to the way life was way back when he first boarded. Chaotic, messy, more than mildly criminal, but above all stable. They’ll have Doza to lead them, and the Aces to protect them; much as it makes something in his chest feel like it’s ripping apart, they’ll probably be fine without him from now on.

Unbidden, his mind skips back to that morning, and waking up in bed beside Norath. It’s not the first time that’s happened, but if he goes back to Kihara, it might be the last. Is that what he wants? Something uncomfortable and unnamed squirms in his stomach. Kaz hasn’t asked much after his background, but he knows Norath doesn’t have family or a planet to go back to; he’ll almost certainly join the new government, if or when one forms. Maybe he should…

As if she can hear the conflict playing out in his mind, his mother reaches out and places a hand on his shoulder. “It doesn’t have to be forever, Kazuda,” she says. “You’re only twenty-one; I don’t doubt you’ll have to try many different places before you find the one that’s the exact fit for you. But, selfishly, I hope you’ll find that place on Kihara.” She gives him an encouraging smile. “Will you come try and find it with us?”

If his mother had been the one to ask him to give up the Resistance, after Hosnian Prime fell, Kaz isn’t sure whether he’d have stayed on the _Colossus_ \- because, in the end, he can never say no to her. “Yes, I will,” he says, feeling something heavy settle onto his shoulders. “Just- I need a few minutes. To say goodbye.”

His mother pats his shoulder. “Of course. We leave in half an hour. Make sure you say everything you need to.” Then she rises, turning to the soldiers and attendants who have been waiting patiently while this conversation has played out, issuing orders in her ringing, confident tone of command. If he could have had half her martial grace and dignity, Kaz thinks, well…

He pushes the thought aside. There’s no point comparing himself to his mother; he has ever been the stumbling nuna to her gyrewolf.

He gets Sotanko to lead him back to the spot where he’d spent the previous night, knowing he’d only get hopelessly lost if he tried to navigate back there alone. He spends the whole walk back lost in thought, several times narrowly avoiding accidents or bumping into people, as he tries to think of what he’ll say to everyone. He doubts they’ll be thrilled at his sudden departure - but they’ll _understand_ , won’t they?

The ships are starting to look more familiar when they round a corner and Kaz nearly barrels right into Yeager. “Woah there,” Yeager says, steadying him on his feet, “You’re up early for a man who drank that much Corellian brandy last night.” Then he takes a longer look at Kaz’s face, and frowns. “Everything okay?”

For a second, Kaz can’t speak. Now it comes to it, he can hardly imagine no longer having Yeager’s solid, steady presence in his life, always there to fall back on when he needs it. He knows his parents love him, but they’ve never been so accepting of the nonsense and absurdity that seem to be integral, inescapable parts of his life.

“I- my parents are here, so…”

Yeager’s expression turns to a sad smile. “You’re going home.” Before Kaz can say anything, Yeager pulls him into a sudden, tight hug.

“I’m sorry-” Kaz starts.

“No need to be sorry,” Yeager says, pushing him away gently. “Always knew you wouldn’t hang around on the _Colossus_ forever, kid.” He squeezes Kaz’s shoulder. “And you can’t blow off your family forever. I know that more than most.”

There’s something odd to his tone, something that makes Kaz tilt his head and ask, “Are you…?”

“I figure now all this is over, maybe it’s time to go make up with that rapscallion brother of mine for real.” He gives Kaz a smile that seems a little forced. “Celebrate peace and freedom in the galaxy.”

Kaz manages a smile in return. “That’s great, Yeager.”

“It’ll be great if we manage not to kill each other,” Yeager says darkly, and that sets them both off laughing. When they stop, Yeager nods toward the fire and says, his expression slightly more serious, “Let’s go tell the others.”

Nerves writhe in Kaz’s gut, but Yeager leads him implacably onward, Sotanko following behind them like a shadow.

A lot more people have stumbled out of bed and gathered around the campfire while Kaz was talking to his parents. Now Neeku is helping Rose with breakfast, while a chipper Kaydel appears to be trying to convince a sluggish Hugh to swallow a concoction that looks more like pond sludge than a breakfast drink. Tam and Torra are sitting on the opposite side of the fire, sporting matching teasing grins that they’ve turned on Norath, who looks like nothing more than the Duros equivalent of ‘too tired for this shit’.

“This is the fifth time, right?” Tam asks.

Torra speaks over her, saying, “When are you going to make it _official_?” and now Kaz knows exactly what they’re talking about. He clears his throat to interrupt whatever Norath was going to say in reply, feeling a flush creeping up his cheeks and knowing his ears will be turning bright red.

Everyone turns to look at him, and Tam raises her eyebrows as she says, “Where’ve you been so early in the morning?” Kaz doesn’t miss the way she clocks Sotanko standing next to him, or how Norath is watching him expectantly as well.

Kaz hesitates, throwing a glance over at Yeager, who just gives him a ‘go on’ kind of nod. “It’s- er- my parents are here,” he says, gesturing vaguely back over his shoulder. “And, er, they want me to go, with them, home, so, um,” he looks down at his hands, and tells them, “I’m going home.”

There’s a moment of silence. “Wha- like right now?” Torra asks, sounding stricken.

“Well, they need to get the ships back to defend my homeworld, so…yeah. Now.” He winces. “Sorry.”

Torra launches herself up and over into a hug, which Kaz returns, grateful that he can do that instead of looking at everyone else’s faces. Then she pulls away and insists he needs to wait until her parents can come say goodbye, and Neeku promptly tackles him with another hug before he can protest.

Tam doesn’t hug him immediately, when he manages to extract himself from Neeku. She looks somewhere between mulish and sad, and Kaz rushes to apologise, saying, “I’m sorry, if I knew earlier-”

“It’s fine,” she says, and the sadness on her face wins out. “Just call us, yeah?” Kaz promises he will, and that’s when she pulls him into a hug.

He says a quick goodbye to the others, getting a half-hearted slap on the back from the very hungover Hugh, and then goes to grab his bag - which is where he finds Norath, looking awkward as he shifts from foot to foot. For a second they just stare at each other in silence; then Kaz says, “Sorry- I know this is sudden-”

“It’s okay,” Norath says immediately, though Kaz isn’t quite sure from his tone whether he means it or not. “I guess-” He stops.

The silence hangs for a few seconds more. Kaz stares at him, willing him to say something else, but in the end he just shakes his head. “It’s cool, Kaz. You gotta be there for your folks.” He smiles a little. “Last night was fun, though.”

Kaz almost manages to summon a grin, because yeah, last night _was_ fun - what he can remember of it, anyway. “Yeah,” he agrees. “I don’t know…” He trails off, not sure what he was going to say. _I don’t know if you’d want to do it again? I don’t know if you’d want to make it something more?_ That little worm wriggles to life again, but now is _so_ not the time to figure out what that feeling is. “I don’t know what you’re doing next,” he settles on, “but if you wanna come visit, you’re welcome anytime. On Kihara, I mean. We always have room for guests.”

“Yeah,” Norath says, grinning, “Maybe I’ll do that,” - but even as he pulls him into a hug, something in Kaz knows that it’s an empty promise. Not that Norath is being intentionally malicious or rude - he would never - but he knows how these things go. Norath will, no doubt, find something cool and heroic to do with the Resistance or the new government; he’ll fill his time with travel and missions and end up way too busy for a holiday, even if he always intends to come, one day. Kaz has a horrible sinking feeling that it will end up always a ‘one day, maybe’ kind of thing, until they’ve lost touch and moved on with their lives.

“Norath, I-” he starts, but then Torra is yelling that he’s going to be late, and there’s no more time. On impulse he leans in and kisses Norath’s cheek, then shoulders his bag and sets off running.

He makes it - barely. True to her word, Torra’s parents meet him by the Kiharan encampment, along with a rumpled and tired-looking Poe. By the time he’s said goodbye to them, BB-8 and CB-23, engines are starting and someone is waving to him urgently from the ramp of his mother’s ship.

His parents are waiting for him in the lounge near the back of the ship, documents and holoscreens already spread out around them. Kaz feels a final flicker of unease as he sits down, one last moment of wondering: _am I making the right choice?_

Then he feels the hum and shift as the ship begins to hover into the air, and he knows the choice has been made. He’s going home.

His mother leans over and hands him a holobook from the stack next to her chair. “Don’t worry,” she says, smiling as she hands it over, “It’s not instructional. You’ll get more than enough of those from your grandmother.”

“Thanks,” he says, taking it and inspecting the front cover. It’s an old favourite - a classic adventure story set in the days of the High Republic. The ship begins to vibrate and jolt as they exit Ajan Kloss’ atmosphere, and Kaz settles in to read, trying to ignore the unease that’s settled deep in his gut.

/

_Six months later_

The mess hall is packed and noisy, which isn’t doing much for Norath’s sleep-deprived, alcohol-soaked brain. The surface of the table is cool against his cheek, but that isn’t as restorative as he’d like, either.

“So last night went well?” Hugh asks from across the table, sounding detestably bright and chipper.

“In a manner of speaking,” Norath mutters.

“Uh oh.” Aisi, their new squadmate, sits down by Hugh’s side and says, “Tell us everything.”

“Had a great time,” Norath says, closing his eyes.

“Yeah, and then?” she presses.

Norath sighs. There will be no peace until he confesses. “And then Osdan and I got into a screaming argument about how I wasn’t taking things ‘seriously enough’,” he mutters into the tabletop, “And then he broke up with me.”

Hugh and Aisi both hiss and say, “Ouch,” together, as if they’ve been practising it.

“That’s the fifth one in three months,” Aisi says.

“You don’t need to remind me.”

“He’s hung up on a past love,” Hugh says, smirking.

Norath knows exactly where this is going (because Hugh’s been saying it for most of the past six months) and he sits up enough to jab a finger in Hugh’s direction. “No, I am not.”

Aisi’s eyes practically glitter with curiosity. “Re _ally_ ,” she says, looking like the lothcat that got the cream.

“Oh yeah. A fellow Resistance pilot,” Hugh says, still smirking.

“I am going to punch you, Hugh Sion,” Norath says, though the threat loses a little of it’s impact when he immediately follows it by wincing and pressing his face back against the cool tabletop.

“He didn’t join up with us?” Aisi asks, motioning around the mess hall. It’s a beautiful, elegant, airy building, typical of Chandrila, the home of what is tentatively being called the Restored Republic - full of pilots, soldiers and clear, warm early morning light.

Hugh shakes his head. “He went back to his homeworld. But I keep telling Norath he’s probably getting bored there,” he adds, poking Norath’s arm.

“If he was getting bored he’d have come back,” Norath says, hating the morose tone that’s entered his voice.

“He might come back quicker if you _invited_ him. Or, you know, called him at all. Just once would be nice.”

“You haven’t even _called_ him, Norath?” Aisi asks. “You can’t let him slip away!”

“Exactly,” Hugh says, pointing an accusing fork at Norath, “He’s going to find some handsome guy on Kihara and forget all about you if you’re not careful, Norath Kev.”

“Yeah, alright, I’m a screw up at relationships and life in general-” Norath starts, prepared to go into a full tirade about why his life sucks and the universe hates him - but then his datapad beeps. Deflating slightly, he picks it up - and blinks. “Wow. Speak of the devil.”

“What is it?” Aisi asks, but Norath is too busy opening the message to answer.

It’s from Kaz, but the little bubble of hope in his chest bursts pretty quickly on discovering that it’s a group message, addressed not just to him but to everyone Kaz knows in the Resistance. Norath scans the lines of text - denying that something in him is once again charmed by the relentless enthusiasm that is evident in every part of Kaz, even through a written medium (and amused by all the typos, Force, did this boy not go to school) - before giving a summary to Aisi. “It’s Kaz - the… guy we were talking about. He’s invited us all to come to the-” He checks the message, “Heihan Festival on his homeworld.”

“We’re going,” Hugh says, at which point Norath notices that he’s been looking at his own datapad - because he got the message too, obviously.

Nerves instantly flare to life in Norath’s stomach, and he says, “Well, I might actually be-”

Hugh cuts him off with a sharp shake of the head. “Nope. We’re going. As squad leader, I’m applying for holiday for both of us.”

“You can’t use _my_ holiday, Hugh!” Norath protests.

Hugh waves his datapad at him. “Already done. Better pack your best clothes, Kev.”

“I’m going to file a compliant with Resources,” Norath says half-heartedly.

“On the contrary, I’m expecting to be thanked profusely in your wedding speech.”

“You’re an ass,” Norath says, but lets his head flop back down onto the tabletop. There’s no choice but to accept it - Hugh can be surprisingly stubborn when he wants to be. And besides, it will be nice to have a holiday. And to see Kaz.

Even if the thought does make him feel slightly ill with nerves.

/

Norath has mostly managed to banish the nerves and embrace the fun by the time they’re on the transport out to Kihara. They’d managed to dodge being roped into representing the Republic in any official capacity, so they are, just as Hugh promised, on an actual holiday. The ride out, with all of them joking around and hanging out together, is the most fun Norath’s had in ages.

When they pull into Kihara’s orbit, though, all the nerves come crashing back.

 _Kaz asked you to come visit,_ he tells himself as they get off the shuttle. _And he was the one who_ invited you _. Just don’t make it weird._

Too lost in his own head, Norath doesn’t really notice any details about the spaceport; it’s only when they get out onto the wide, busy street and join the line for a taxi service that he asks, “So, er, where are we going?”

Tam gives him an aggrieved look. “Weren’t you listening to me earlier?”

Norath winces. “Er, no. Sorry.”

Tam sighs. “Apparently Kaz has booked us rooms at a hotel.”

“Oh. Great,” Norath says, which makes Hugh laugh.

“Let’s see the quality of this hotel before we celebrate,” he says.

“Knowing Kaz, it’ll be a dive,” Tam says.

“Or they’ll have double-booked us,” Torra adds.

Norath feels an inexplicable wash of defensiveness rise up in him, but manages to bite his tongue. He can’t argue that Kaz is the most responsible, competent person in the world. Though he wouldn’t admit it, he sort of thinks being unnaturally prone to disaster is part of Kaz’s charm.

“This planet is so beautiful, I think I would be quite happy to sleep outside,” Neeku says, his attention caught by the rows of huge flowering trees that border the spaceport’s entrance. He’s not wrong - the buildings that line the street are all painted in pale, pastel shades, their clean, curved lines giving way to plantlife at every opportunity, and the air is pleasantly warm.

“You did say we could go camping, Tamara,” Neeku adds, almost bouncing with excitement.

“Yes, I did say we could go camping,” Tam says, sounding as if she’s steeling herself for something - and then they’re being waved into a taxi.

Contrary to their expectations, the building they arrive in front of is beautiful, a sprawling edifice that takes up half the street. They all stand in the entrance courtyard staring up at it for a few seconds, no one quite daring to be the first one to move, before Torra says, “We’re definitely double-booked. There’s no way we get to stay somewhere so nice.”

The others all nod, and Norath considers how odd it is that he feels he has to defend Kaz’s honour over a hotel booking, of all things. Still, he straightens his shoulders and says, “Come on, all ye of little faith,” before picking up his bag.

A smiling bellboy meets them at the door to gather their bags and usher them to the front desk, where one mention of the name ‘Xiono’ has the receptionist waving them on, assuring them she’ll take care of everything.

The suite they’re shown to not only has bedrooms - one for _each_ of them - but also a spacious living room and their own private garden. The whole suite is arranged in a square with the garden at it’s centre, with the bedrooms making up three sides while the living room has the entire north side to itself. They enter through a door on the other side of the living room, all of them taking in the suite for a long, silent moment.

Then the bellboy arrives with their bags, and Torra says, “Well, previous doubt retracted. Kaz… did good.”

Hugh snorts. “More like one of the Xiono family secretaries did good. There’s no way he didn’t hand this off to one of them.”

“Hey, at least we have rooms,” Norath says, perhaps a bit sharper than he meant to. He grabs his bag to cover it, and goes off to find himself a room.

After a lifetime of street corners, grubby single-room dwellings and cramped barracks, there is no doubt that this hotel room is the nicest place Norath’s ever stayed. He puts his bag down gingerly, almost afraid that it’ll stain the pristine white bedclothes. A non-mechanical sliding door, made of thin wood and heavy-duty paper, separates him from the veranda and their private garden; on the opposite side of the room, a circular window looks out on more extensive gardens that lead down to a small river. Inside the room, the furniture is incredibly simple; a low writing desk and chair, a wardrobe, and a divan-style bed with heavy, curling wooden arms at both the head and foot. As he sits on it and looks out at the river, he has the sinking feeling that he’s let himself in for a lot more than he bargained for.

There’s a knock on the door, and Hugh’s voice says, “Are you decent?”

“Never,” Norath says back, “But I am clothed, if that’s what you mean.”

Hugh snorts as he pulls the door open. “This is pretty damn cool, huh?” he says, leaning against the open doorway.

It’s…surreal, is the best word Norath can think of to describe his feelings right now. But he doesn’t need to bring Hugh down by admitting how weird and out of place he feels here. “Yeah. Cool.”

“The others are about to go meet Synara at the spaceport. I called Kaz to let him know we’re here, but he’s gonna be busy with family stuff until tonight. You wanna play some dejarik or something while we wait for them?”

“Yeah,” Norath says, standing. Thrashing Hugh at dejarik will be just the thing to settle his nerves right now. 

/

If Norath thought he felt out of place at the hotel, that’s nothing to how he feels once he steps into the Hall of a Thousand Voices.

‘Hall’ is an understatement; the huge building is more like a cathedral, the vaulted roof rising several hundred feet above their heads - and, appropriately, echoing with the conversations of all the people crammed into the vast singular room that takes up the entirety of the building’s floor plan. There’s no need for their guide to explain that ‘Thousand Voices’ part as he leads them down onto the main floor.

“There is an Alcove for every clan on Kihara,” their guide, a man named Shin, explains, gesturing towards the walls, “Those few clans whose lines have died out are commemorated in this Alcove here, on the left.”

‘Alcove’ is another understatement; the spaces Shin points out are proper rooms, some set up with dining tables and chairs, others as comfortable lounges, and still more in an oddly corporate board room style that looks wildly out of place among all the traditional Kiharan decoration. The rooms only get larger and more lavish as they progress down the hall.

“Are the symbols on the banners representative of each clan?” Synara asks, pointing to the swathes of colourful silk that hang above each Alcove.

Shin nods. The hotel had provided his services for free once they got the message from Kaz asking them to meet here, and despite Norath’s initial scepticism, having him pointing out interesting cultural and historical sights as they walked here was actually very interesting.

“It’s always good to have people from other parts of the galaxy visiting for Heihan,” Shin is saying now, “Especially this year. The Clan Leaders wanted to make it a special occasion, as it’s the first since the First Order’s invasion.”

The words ‘First Order’ send a shiver of revulsion down Norath’s spine. Eager to move the topic on - he’s supposed to be on holiday and _away_ from having to worry about the First Order for a while, after all - he asks, “Which banner is for Xiono? I think that’s where we’ll find our friend.”

Shin looks stunned for a very quick moment, before his calm professionalism covers it up. “The Xionos are one of the six Great Clans; their banners are at the end of the hall. See?” He points, and far away at the other end of the room, Norath can see six much larger banners. “The second from the left is Xiono,” Shin says, “The pale green and purple.”

The name ‘Great Clan’ gives Norath the same squirming feeling of being out of place that sitting in his hotel room did, only to a much greater degree. Still, he steels himself and follows as Shin leads them through the throngs of people and toward the end of the hall.

The purpose of tonight, according to Shin, is to give space for members from all the clans to meet and speak to one another. Those who wish to speak on an equal footing literally meet on foot out in the open space of the hall, while there are thousands of intricate power plays and manipulations involved in the process of inviting or being invited to dine in another clan’s Alcove. Shin begins to explain some of these for Tam and Hugh while Norath’s mind wanders, his eyes catching on various members of the crowd as they pass by. There’s a decent mix of styles, with some people in what the wider galaxy would consider ‘normal’ formal attire, as well as some outlandish outfits that he suspects are variations on or imitations of whatever couture is fashionable on Coruscant right now. Many people have also opted for the long, brightly coloured silk robes that are the traditional attire of Kihara, some also combining it with complicated hairstyles of intricate, tightly wound braids.

They reach the end of the hall, and Shin leads them right up to where the large Xiono banner hangs. The Alcoves for the six Great Clans are set higher than the rest, up a fairly steep set of steps. Shin stops to bow politely before ascending, so all Norath can see of the Xiono family Alcove is the curved roof and the couple sitting in the mouth of it, looking down on them with polite smiles. They’re both dressed traditionally, their robes mirroring the colours of the banner overhead.

“Honoured guests, may I introduce Master Seiada Xiono, heir to the Clan Leader of Clan Xiono, and his most gracious wife, Lady Kiho,” Shin says. As he begins to introduce the group of them, Norath studies Seiada and Kiho. They’re both human, maybe in their late thirties, and both above-average in the looks department; Norath thinks he’s probably being unfair in instantly thinking they’re the kind of couple who present a good face to the world but secretly have marriage problems (and are probably rich snobs to boot), but this entire affair is making him increasingly uncomfortable. He signed up for a holiday and a chance to see his friend (or friend-with-benefits, not that he’s _expecting_ Kaz to jump right back into bed with him, but-), not for being paraded around a room full of people who’ve probably spent more money in a month than he’ll earn in a lifetime.

He tunes back in when Seiada says, “Yes, Kazuda’s friends from off-world. He hasn’t stopped talking about you all week.” The indulgent smile that accompanies the words makes Norath feel a little guilty for his snap judgement. Then Seiada turns and calls, “Kazuda!” over his shoulder.

There’s an scuffle of movement from inside the Alcove, and then Kaz appears above them.

For a second Norath is taken aback by how different he looks. He might’ve expected the long purple and green robes, which are much like Seiada’s, but in lighter colours and with less intricate layers. The bigger change is that the scrappy undercut he’s always sported is gone, replaced by a long black ponytail.

His grin is still bright as the sun, though, and it still makes something in Norath’s chest seize.

He takes a step forward, hesitates, and looks at Seiada. “Can I…?”

“I think you’ve done enough for one day,” Seiada says wryly, and the way Kaz winces tells Norath everything he needs to know about Kaz’s success at diplomacy.

“Just remember we need everyone back at ten tomorrow to go back to the estate,” Kiho says, patting him on the arm.

Kaz nods, then bounds down the steps toward them, enthusiastically hugging and greeting everyone once he gets within range. Shin manages to shuffle them back toward the centre of the floor, so they’re out of earshot of Kaz’s family by the time he’s finally standing in front of Norath. There’s a second of silence before Kaz grins and says, “Hi.”

“Hi yourself,” Norath says, grinning back despite his growing sour mood. It’s easy to forget all that, now he’s with the person he actually came here to see. “That’s quite the new look you have going.”

Kaz winces. “A good look, or…?”

“It’s…a lot of hair.”

Kaz sighs, reaching up to fiddle with the base of the ponytail, which Norath notices someone has wrapped a braid around to hide the band. “Grandma’s been insisting ever since I got here. She hates the undercut. Mother finally caved because of the festival and made me change it.” He makes a face. “Growing hair fast _hurts_ , did you know that?”

“Er, no?” Norath laughs, tapping his own hairless head.

“Right,” Kaz says, and he’s laughing at himself, and they both laugh about it together, and-

Kriff. Yep. Doesn’t matter what Kaz looks like, or what he wears, Hugh is right; Norath is ridiculously hung up on him.

He hates it when Hugh is right.

The crowd around them is suddenly pressing too close, and all Norath wants is to be outside, somewhere away from all the fancy clothes and curious stares. “Can we get out of here for a bit?” he asks.

Kaz looks like an akk puppy who’s just been given permission to go tearing off around the garden. “Force, yeah, let’s get out of here,” he says, grabbing Norath’s arm to lead him through the crowd. He’s lost sight of the others, but that’s fine; if Norath is honest, he selfishly wants the chance to have Kaz all to himself.

When they finally make it out onto the wide steps that lead up into the Hall, the last dying rays of the sun have completely disappeared, giving way to a bright, clear full moon rising over the faraway horizon. Spread out below them, Kihara’s capital glows with light; the Hall is situated on the highest hill in Yanai, at the edge of the city, and boasts a commanding view.

Tonight’s festivities are hardly contained to just the hall; stalls, carts and tents fill the vast square outside, spilling out into the surrounding streets. Performers shout or sing from temporary stages, while others weave through the crowd, dancing and doing magic tricks and breathing fire.

Norath hesitates on the steps, wondering if back inside the Hall might not actually be less overwhelming than out here, which prompts Kaz to stop and turn to face him. “Spoilt for choice, right?” he says, misinterpreting Norath’s hesitation for indecision. “Do you want to get food? I’ve already had a bit but there’s these incredible sweets you have to try- oh, and these meat skewers-” When Norath doesn’t move, Kaz, in his typical abrupt fashion, grabs his hand and pulls him out into the crowd.

Norath is an adult, and he will not get flustered over Kaz holding his hand, he _will not_ \- but there is something nice, solid and comforting, about having him as an anchor as they weave through the crowd. As promised, Kaz takes him to find a stall selling a variety of brightly coloured sweets, where they pick up a box of soft, dough-like, pastel-coloured treats dusted in powered sugar. The woman behind the counter says something in Kihara’s local language, gesturing toward the Xiono symbol that adorns Kaz’s clothes, but he waves her away and presses several credits into her hand. Norath notices that the vendor they buy meat skewers from does something similar.

They get away from the crowds after that, going right out of the square and up into the gardens that surround the Hall. The paths are strung with lights, but there are plenty of dark spots among the trees and bushes, and Norath is sure he hears a few suspicious rustles coming from the undergrowth.

They stop at the fence that borders the edge of the gardens. Below them, the land drops away in a sheer cliff face, and the outskirts of the city are spread out below them, the lights becoming ever more sparse as the buildings give way to black fields. A long ribbon of light picks out the speederway that leads out of Yanai and away toward the coast.

“What were the stall owners saying to you?” Norath asks, popping one of the sweets into his mouth.

“Oh, if you’re from one of the bigger clans, people often offer to give you stuff for free,” Kaz says, leaning against the fence. “It’s a gesture of respect, or something? But you can’t accept, because then it looks like your family’s fallen on hard times.”

“Right,” Norath manages, but the sweet in his mouth suddenly tastes sickening. That out-of-place feeling is back with a vengeance. “Back home, people were more likely to try and make me pay double than offer anything for free,” he says, his tone too strained for the joke he’s attempting.

Kaz gives him a sympathetic grimace. “Sounds like when I was first on the _Colossus_.”

“Yeah. Imagine that, but worse - every day, for years,” Norath says, tone sharper than he means it to be.

Kaz turns to face him fully, a look of alarm and - kriff it - _pity_ crossing his features. “I didn’t know you grew up in a place like that.”

Norath manages nothing more than a nod of the head. If there’s anything that will ruin this night for sure, it’s talking about his awful planet and all the shit he had to go through just to grow up - and the last thing he wants is for Kaz to know all the sordid details of his childhood. To know just how much he doesn’t belong here, in this shining oasis of light and beauty and money. “Where does that speederway go?” he asks, unable to think of any less blunt way to change the subject. He points to the second line of illumination they can see, running in the opposite direction to the coastal road.

Kaz regards him, his expression troubled, for a moment longer before turning back to the view, silently agreeing to drop the subject. A little smile pulls at his lips, and he says, “It goes home. Hold on-” He looks in both directions, then leads Norath over to where a pair of electrobinoculars have been mounted on a stand. He slots a credit chit into them, then scans across the horizon. “Ah ha,” he says, stepping back, “Look through them now.”

When Norath looks through the eyepiece, he can see the glowing trail of the speederway, and follow it as it snakes and winds up and up, into a dark patch on the northern sky. It takes him a few seconds to work out that it’s climbing up into a huge mountain range, the peaks invisible to the naked eye from this distance. “Wow,” he says, “Is that where we’re going tomorrow?”

“Yup.” Norath can hear the grin in Kaz’s voice. “It’s even more beautiful up there. And I can show you all the best places.”

“And your childhood room? We went to visit Hugh’s family on Chandrila - did you know he has Zindre Starfire posters on his wall?” Norath laughs.

“What a dork,” Kaz says, but there’s a sudden strain in his voice. Norath looks at him, remembering even as he spots Kaz’s pained smile that, oh yeah, Kaz has never lived on Kihara full time, his childhood home was on Hosnian…

 _This was a lot easier when we kept it to just drunken one-night stands,_ Norath internally laments. He wants to say something, apologise for his thoughtlessness, but Kaz drops his eyes to his hands, and picks at the splintering wood of the fence as he says, “Well, we’ll have to suffer through a family banquet and this music performance thing, but other than that, we can do what we want.”

The word ‘banquet’ brings that sick feeling right back into the pit of Norath’s stomach - _inadequacy_ , that’s the word for it. All the fancy clothes and glittering lights make him feel like he, grubby little street rat Norath Kev, is a painfully obvious fake. All the grit and blood and sweat of the Resistance made him feel right at home; here he feels like an ugly, diminutive nuna that’s somehow snuck in among a flock of noble, beautiful Shyyyo birds.

“It sounds good,” he says, but he knows his heart isn’t in it.

That troubled look is back on Kaz’s face. “Are you okay, Norath?”

“Fine,” he says, though he doesn’t sound convincing. “We should probably head back and find the others, right? They’ll be wondering where we’ve gone.”

Norath thinks a brief look of disappointment flashes across Kaz’s face - but he’s not entirely certain it’s not just his own imagination.

/

Kaz pauses in front of the wooden double doors, their centre carved with the symbol of the Xiono clan, and allows himself a small smile. “Here, we don’t just get rooms to ourselves,” he says, before reaching out and opening the doors with a flourish, “We get a whole _wing_.”

As he expected, appreciative noises come from behind him. The others file past, while Tam pauses beside him, shaking her head. “This place is kriffing _huge_ ,” she says. “How do you not get lost?”

“Oh, y’know. You get used to it,” Kaz says, trying to project an air of nonchalance.

“When he was seven, he got lost in the east wing, and I found him crying all by himself. I had to take him back to Aunt Asako,” Seiada’s voice says from behind them.

Kaz whips round to glare at his cousin, while Tam sniggers next to him. “Sei!”

Seiada is wearing a mischievous smile, and winks at him. “Make sure your parties don’t get too wild down here,” he cautions, “You may be on the other side of the house from Grandma, but there’ll still be hell to pay if she hears you. Or if you break anything.”

Kaz waves him away. “Stop practising your dad skills on us, Sei. You’ve still got like, sixteen years until Mei is big enough to have wild parties.”

“I’m already dreading it.” He ushers them through into the courtyard, then pulls the doors closed behind them, pausing to remind Kaz, “Remember, Grandma wants you back at two for the recital.”

Kaz rolls his eyes, and hears Seiada laugh as the doors close.

“Please tell me we don’t all have to come to that,” Tam says.

“You don’t want to come with me in solidarity?” Kaz says, giving her a beseeching look.

“I have about the same level of enthusiasm for classical music as I do for letting you work on my racer’s engine - so, no.”

“That hurts, Tam,” Kaz says, dramatically clutching at his chest as they cross the courtyard and enter the rooms set aside for their group.

“Not my fault you’re still an awful mechanic.”

Before Kaz can reply to that, Hugh pops his head out of one of the rooms and says, “Hey, guys, have you seen Norath? All his bags are here, but he seems to have gone AWOL.”

“Have you tried calling him?” Tam asks.

“Yeah, but I just got an unavailable message - like he’d turned his commlink off,” Hugh says, his expression troubled.

An icy shiver of unease slithers its way down Kaz’s spine, but he forces a light tone as he says, “Are you sure he was behind us all the way? Maybe he got lost somewhere between here and the speeders.”

Hugh thinks it over, and says, “That could be it - this place is a bit of a skrekal warren.”

“I know my way around, so I’ll go look for him,” Kaz says, trying to beat off the nerves that seem intent on crawling up his throat out of his belly. “You guys focus on settling in.”

Of course, it’s easier said than done. The Xiono Estate is huge, and if Norath got lost somewhere between their wing and where they disembarked from the speeders, that’s a lot of ground to cover. Kaz retraces their steps through the halls first, asking anyone he comes across whether they’ve stumbled across Norath. When that proves fruitless, he goes to Amalin, their head of security.

Amalin frowns as she scans across the monitors. They show the most important, secure, and frequently trafficked parts of the Estate, and after squinting at them for a moment over her shoulder, Kaz shakes his head. “Not there.”

Amalin motions to her assistant, who brings up another holodisplay, where he flicks through feeds from the less crucial cameras. No familiar Duros shows up, but Kaz can’t help asking, “How do you monitor all these with just two or three people?”

Amalin waves over her shoulder, to where three protocol droids are plugged into a bank of consoles. “Those three do most of the monitoring. We’re here to provide human supervision, mostly.”

“Right. Then-”

“Ah-ha!” Amalin’s assistant, Li, points to the holodisplay. “Is this him, sir?”

Kaz squints at it a moment before nodding. “Yeah, that’s Norath.” The image shows Norath outside, standing on what Kaz thinks is the grassy hill that overlooks the main complex. He gets a geographic marker on his wrist comm, just to be sure, then sets off.

The Xiono Estate sits cradled in the lap of the mountain, hugging foothills that soon turn high and craggy just above the property’s boundary. It comprises many different buildings of all shapes and sizes, ranging from the large main hall and family apartments all the way down to modest cottages for the groundskeepers. There is also an exorbitant amount of outdoor space, including both the manicured formal gardens that are his grandfather’s pride and joy, and the wild forest that hugs the slopes and inclines at the back of the estate. As he climbs the hill, Kaz sees that the little dot of light representing Norath is climbing ahead of him, winding up into the forest. For a moment he worries that Norath will get lost up there; but as he walks further, he soon realises Norath has hit upon the snaking, steep path that leads up to the lookout point on the ridge high overhead.

For a minute Kaz stands at the beginning of the path, craning his neck to spot the curved roof of the little wooden pavilion that protects those up at the lookout from the rain. The climb up there is long and steep, and getting all the way up the path and back won’t leave him much time to get ready for the recital. And besides, Norath is entitled to wander off alone if he feels like it. He’ll be safe enough, and it’s not like Kaz has any right or reason to tell him not to.

Still, though, that pit of unease sits in the bottom of Kaz’s stomach, propelling him up the mountain after Norath’s position marker. The path is hemmed in by thick pine forest on both sides, making it impossible to see further than the next bend. Kaz is probably close enough that Norath would hear him, if he called out for his friend to wait, but Kaz can’t shake the feeling that letting Norath know he’s here might just prompt him to hide instead. The geographic marker tracks Norath through the security cameras, so if he goes off into the forest, Kaz will lose him.

Six months ago, Kaz might’ve been fit enough to catch up to Norath on the trail. Now, though, Norath is already standing by the railing, taking in the huge vista spread out below, by the time Kaz finally makes it to the pavilion. Any hope of surprise is dashed by his heavy panting; when Norath turns, Kaz just holds up a hand in greeting, too out of breath to speak for a moment.

“What are you doing up here?” Norath asks, and that unease drives sharp claws into Kaz’s belly at his tone. He doesn’t sound particularly pleased to have been followed.

“We worried you’d got lost.” When Norath looks at him askance, Kaz adds, “You disappeared. You didn’t answer your comm.”

“Right,” Norath says, turning to look back at the view. “I just needed…”

Kaz waits, but he doesn’t finish the sentence. He says tentatively into the silence, “Are you feeling alright? I could-”

“No, I’m not,” Norath cuts across him, his voice tense. “I’m not- I feel like an idiot.”

Kaz blinks. “Why…?”

“I just- I thought that maybe _this_ ,” Norath motions between himself and Kaz, “I thought maybe it could work. You know, I’ve been thinking that for the past six months.”

Kaz is aware that staring at Norath with his mouth hanging open is not the best reaction to this revelation, but his mind has gone completely blank of coherent, intelligent things to say. Luckily for him, Norath continues almost without pause.

“But just look at this place,” he says, turning back to the view and waving his hands, his spread arms encompassing the entirety of the Xiono Estate. “I thought I felt like the poor friend visiting Hugh’s family, but I’m pretty sure their entire apartment could fit inside your _speeder garage_. That hotel, the Hall - that was just the starter, wasn’t it? The first course in the Sith-damned _banquet_.”

“Norath,” Kaz starts, his voice hesitant, “What are you talking about?”

Norath turns back to him, an expression on his face that seems to mix anger and embarrassment. “That hotel room’s the nicest place I’ve ever stayed in, did you know that?” When Kaz just frowns at him in confusion, he continues, “I grew up on Uhor, okay? The dirtiest, ugliest ball of nothing planet in the entire Outer Rim, so far as I can tell. I bet you haven’t even heard of it.” Kaz shakes his head helplessly. “Well, I wouldn’t kriffing recommend going there; there’s no natural resources, no farming, barely any water either. Pirates and crime bosses find a way to import food and supplies, then lord it over everyone else while they all beg for enough scraps to keep living another day.” Norath stops, pausing for breath, but Kaz has no words with which to interrupt him. “My parents died when I was seven,” Norath says, his voice lower, tighter, “I joined one of the gangs, stealing things for them and acting as a lookout, or scraping lichen from rocks just so I’d have enough to eat.”

“How did you get out?” Kaz asks, his voice hushed.

“The boss sent me out to rob some offworlder, which, being only thirteen at the time, I kriffed up,” Norath says, his voice full of bitter humour. “Turns out he was a bounty hunter, and a Mandalorian too. Still, whatever code of honour those guys follow meant he agreed to take me off-world instead of stringing me up in the desert, and I ended up in an orphanage on Naboo.” He sniffs and looks away, as if suddenly afraid Kaz is going to judge him for everything he’s just revealed. “S’how I learnt about the Republic. And the Resistance.”

For a second, silence reigns. Kaz can’t find words, but a horrible image is taking form in his mind - a tiny, stick-thin Norath Kev, dressed in rags and picking pockets, like something you’d see in a holodrama. It’s somewhat of a shock to confront the fact that those images are _reality_ for some people, rather than actors in makeup and costume.

Norath has turned away again, his arms crossed over his chest. “Look, I know you don’t understand. How could you? All this…”

A sick feeling coalesces in Kaz’s stomach as the realisation suddenly hits him; Norath wanted to make _them official_ , but now he’s backing away from it because he thinks Kaz will _judge_ him- “But none of that changes the way I feel about you!” Kaz bursts out. Norath’s disbelieving expression prompts him to add, “Well, okay, it does, but not in a bad way!” He motions at Norath, his hands desperately flailing. “Doesn’t it just make you an even _better_ person? That you suffered so much, but now you help people? That people took advantage of you, but you refuse to do the same in return?”

Surprise flashes over Norath’s face, then morphs into something softer, something fond. “Thanks, Kaz,” he says quietly, “You do know what to say when push comes to shove, huh?”

“Occasionally,” Kaz says, his voice too tense to sound properly joking.

“I…I’m glad you don’t… think less of me for it, Kaz. I knew, like, rationally, that you wouldn’t, but…sometimes it’s hard to convince myself people won’t look at me like some dirty street rat the moment they know.” Norath sighs and shuts his eyes. “But it’s not _you_ I have a problem with.”

“Then forget all this,” Kaz says, taking a step closer, “Forget the estate, and the money, and all that shit. We can go, I don’t know, somewhere else-”

“Can you?” Norath interrupts, opening his eyes to give Kaz a look that demands no lies. “I don’t think your parents would be happy with that.”

“Maybe they won’t, but mother said-”

Then, right at the wrong moment, his wrist comm starts to beep. Kaz glances down at it and sees that it’s Seiada’s number calling. “Ah- kriff-”

He looks back up, but the moment is completely broken; Norath’s expression has already closed off again. “It’s fine,” he says quietly, “You need to go do stuff. I get it.”

Kaz hesitates, glancing from Norath to his wrist. He can’t leave things like this, but his grandmother will kill him if he misses this recital-

Then an idea hits him - an idea which, truthfully, will probably get him in even more trouble than missing the recital - but he can cross that bridge when he gets to it. It’ll give them time to talk - and more importantly, prove his intentions.

“I’m going to this boring recital thing,” he announces, “but I want you to meet me at the West Pier at six sharp tonight. No excuses,” he adds, seeing Norath opening his mouth. He jabs a finger in Norath’s direction and says, hoping he sounds more confident than he feels, “Don’t you give up on this yet, Norath Kev.”

Norath hesitates, but in the end the edges of his lips curve up, as if he can’t help the fond smile that spreads over his face. “Fine, okay, I’ll come,” he says, and though Kaz knows the laugh he’s smothering is at his expense, he can’t help but walk with a spring in his step all the way back down the mountain.

/

The only problem with agreeing to meet Kaz by the West Pier this evening is that fact that Norath has no idea where this ‘West Pier’ actually is.

He realises this not long after Kaz’s figure disappears into the trees. He could call him back and ask - given that the alternative is asking some stranger down at the Estate, he strongly considers it for a moment - but in the end he stays silent. It sounds a lot like Kaz has just asked him on a date (a thought that produces a nervous lurch in Norath’s stomach, since they’ve never done anything before that would so concretely tip their relationship over into _romantic_ , rather than just friends-with-benefits), so he’ll have to change into something nicer before they meet up, which will necessitate a trip down into the buildings below to find his bags. It had, of course, been his first sight of the Estate and the accompanying panic it produced that had driven him up here - but he’ll deal with that when he can no longer avoid it.

For now, he can try to enjoy the serenity of the surrounding landscape - the foothills spread out green and glorious below him, the lake at the mountain’s foot gleaming like beaten silver in the afternoon sun. Rarely has been to a planet with such abundant and pleasant natural beauty, and he hasn’t ever had the time to simply stop and admire it, with no urgent demands on his time to make him feel guilty at taking a moment to stand still.

It’s almost enough to distract him from the growing, sickening feeling of embarrassment over what he just revealed to Kaz.

Kaz won’t tell anyone - he would never - but he knows. He knows the secret Norath has told hardly anyone. In fact, he’s fairly sure Kaz, General Organa, and Commander Venisa are the only people he’s ever told.

Attempting not to brood on that - and not succeeding very well - takes up most of his afternoon. The sun is drawing closer to the horizon by the time he realises that if he doesn’t move soon, he might very well be late.

Even with the help of several polite people he meets along the way, navigating the various buildings and hallways of the Estate is still a challenge. He tries not to look around too much; tries not to notice the sheer amount of rooms, the opulence on display in every corner of this place. He just needs to get to his room, change, and get out.

He’s flustered by the time he finally makes it to where the others are hanging out in the courtyard garden that forms the centre of their wing. Though Hugh demands to know where he’s been, he’s soon distracted by a mention of the time, since everyone needs to get ready for the banquet - an event that, Norath realises as he agonises over his choice of clothes, also begins at six this evening. He pauses for a moment, biting his lip. Is Kaz intending on them skipping the festival’s big event? Or is the West Pier the location of the banquet, and Kaz was just formally inviting him as his date?

Norath suspects that the former is the truth.

After finally settling on the most formal outfit he owns - a dark grey suit, just in case they _are_ going to the banquet - Norath leaves his room and sets off in the direction he hopes will lead to the lake.

Thirty minutes later, after much aimless wandering and finally securing the aid of a speeder driver and vehicle, Norath arrives at the bustling northern shore of Shinglu Lake. This is the last and most important day of the festival, and the street stalls and performers are out in full force, almost as varied here as they were back in Yanai. The driver sends him off into the crowd with directions to the West Pier, and eventually - after several wrong turns and an awkward encounter with an over-enthusiastic juggler - Norath makes it to his destination.

“Sorry I’m late,” he says, jogging down the wooden boardwalk to where Kaz is waiting. “I got lost-”

Kaz’s smile instantly turns to a wince. “Oh, I should’ve given you directions-”

“It was fine, I found-”

“Of course you wouldn’t know where-”

“I’m _here_ ,” Norath says, grabbing both of Kaz’s hands, and for a second they both shut up, just staring at each other. Then Kaz breaks into rueful laughter, and Norath can’t help but join him.

“Sorry, I- well. Let’s get in the boat before anyone spots us,” Kaz says, doing a quick scan of the area before turning and stepping off the pier, down onto one of the wooden boats drawn up alongside it. The boat is rectangular, long but narrow, and Norath can see what looks like a small shield projector embedded into the gunwale - presumably to offer them protection if it should start to rain. Kaz offers him a hand, and Norath’s surprised to find the boat barely rocks in the water when he steps down into it. “It’s an imitation of the boats that fishermen used to use here, thousands of years ago,” Kaz says, as he unties the boat’s ropes from their fastenings on the pier. “Back then there wasn’t any heavy industry on Kihara, so it was too expensive to fit simple fishing boats with any machinery that they would’ve had to import from off-world. Now, though, it’s got stabilisers, so you don’t have to worry about ending up in the water.”

“Or getting rained on,” Norath says, tapping the shield projector, and Kaz grins.

The back of the boat ends in a raised, flat platform, adorned with a long oar that Norath had thought was purely ornamental. But with the ropes untied, Kaz steps up and grabs the oar, pushing them away from the pier before dipping it in the water and using it to propel them forward. “It doesn’t come with an engine?” Norath asks - though he can’t deny he’s kind of enjoying the view. He’d thought Kaz would be back in his traditional attire for the festival, but instead he’s in a smarter version of his usual jacket and pants, the former now abandoned on the seat next to Norath. The t-shirt underneath leaves little to the imagination as Kaz works the oar, propelling them out toward the middle of the lake.

“It does,” Kaz says, slightly out of breath, “but I prefer the old school method.”

Norath grins and shakes his head, but as they slip further from the noise on the shore and out into the serenity of the nighttime lake, something settles inside him. It’s easy to forget, when it’s just the two of them, away from any of the glamour and grandeur, that he feels any hesitation about this relationship at all. Gliding along the lake, with Kaz manually pushing them along, it’s easy to forget how much this deceptively simple boat must’ve actually cost, or the fact that Kaz probably didn’t even blink at the cost of hiring it - or, more likely, that his family owns an entire fleet of boats just like this one…

Norath sighs and leans back in his seat. Perhaps it’s not so easy to forget.

They’re a good distance away from the shore when Kaz finally leans back on the oar, slowing the boat to a stop. “This’ll be the best spot,” he says, hopping down and collapsing into the seat opposite Norath’s. The boat, as promised, barely moves in the water.

“For what?”

“Fireworks,” Kaz grins, pointing back over his shoulder, and Norath can’t help but smile in return. Despite his reservations, he has to admit, alone on their own boat in the middle of a lake watching fireworks is a pretty solid first date.

“Pretty impressive,” he says - then, before he can let nerves get the better of him, he asks, “So, are we calling this a date?”

Even in the dark, he can see Kaz’s cheeks go pink. “Y-yeah,” he says, “So long as you’re good with that. I know- everything you said earlier-”

Norath winces. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have burdened you with all that-”

“It’s not a burden!” Kaz says emphatically, “I’m glad you told me.”

Norath can’t help but smile gratefully at that, even if he can’t quite meet Kaz’s eye. “Yeah, I…I think I’m glad I told you, too. But, no one else really knows, so-”

Kaz mimes zipping his lips, waggling his eyebrows, so goofy that it makes Norath laugh, breaking the heavy moment.

They sit in silence for a moment, the only sound the lapping of water against the side of the boat. Norath can feel everything he said up at the lookout hanging over them, it’s weight a strangling force on his throat.

Kaz is the one to break the silence. “Did you really come here to ask me out?” he asks, almost tripping over his tongue to get the words out. Norath can sense the same nervousness in Kaz that he feels in the pit of his own stomach, which perversely makes him feel calmer. “Yeah,” he says.

Kaz’s face takes on an expression somewhere between a wince and a sorrowful frown. “Right. Well, I screwed that up, huh?”

Norath frowns at him. “How…?”

“You know - all the family stuff,” he says, waving in the direction of the Estate, “We should’ve just, I don’t know, stayed in the city-”

Norath would’ve liked that better, it’s true - but Kaz could never have known that. Kaz couldn’t have predicted Norath’s reaction to any of this without knowing his history - he just wanted to show him his home, the place where he grew up.

Something goes _click_ in Norath’s mind, and he realises with a flash of insight that he’s been an utter, total ass.

“No,” he says, the force in his tone making Kaz go quiet. “No, I- I’m sorry, Kaz, I’ve been being a dick this whole time. You welcomed us here, and I- I couldn’t see further than my own problems, my own prejudice.”

Kaz shifts uncomfortably. “Yeah, but, I mean… you’re not wrong. My family have… well, they have a lot. Much more than most people.”

“But you can’t help where you were born.”

“But I could help to _change_ all this. The way things work,” Kaz counters.

“Er, did you forget that we saved the freaking galaxy, buddy?” Norath says, snorting. “We already changed the world.”

Kaz doesn’t laugh along, and Norath thinks they’ve hit upon something that’s been bothering him for a while. “Yeah, but then I came right back here and acted like everything was normal again. Like all that hadn’t happened. I made some moves towards helping people here, but-” Kaz hesitates, screws up his face, and says, like it’s an admission of guilt, “I’ve just been doing _nothing_ , Norath. For six whole months.”

Okay, yeah, there’s a part of Norath that’s a little annoyed by that statement, considering how much _he’s_ been doing in the past few months - but there’s a large part of him that wishes he could say the same thing. “You don’t have to apologise for taking the time to heal, Kaz.”

“But I’m the only one who ran away,” Kaz says, looking down at the bottom of the boat.

Norath aims a soft kick at his ankle. “No you’re not. Quite a few people have taken a break, y’know, in the past six months. Some didn’t even officially join up with the Republic at all.” Kaz doesn’t seem cheered, so he adds, “But you could, y’know… come back.” When Kaz lifts his head, Norath feels the need to add, “Because you want to, though. Not because I’m being weird and judgey about your family.”

Kaz snorts. “There’s a lot to be judgey about. They’re not all as nice as Seiada and Kiho.”

“Yeah, but Seiada and Kiho are the only ones I’ve met and I _still_ judged you,” Norath says, shaking his head. “It’s like I forgot you’re the one who ditched this life and slummed it with the Resistance for nothing but the good of the galaxy.” When it looks like Kaz is about to protest again, Norath cuts him off, “You always do the right thing when it counts, Kaz. And the Republic didn’t collapse without you, y’know.”

That finally pulls a short laugh out of Kaz. “I don’t know, with you and Hugh at the helm, it might be only a matter of time.”

“I think you’ll find your precious Poe Dameron is the one in charge, thank you. I know your _gargantuan_ crush on him means that in your eyes he can do no wrong-”

Again, he can see that Kaz’s cheeks are pink in the moonlight. “I do _not_ have a crush on him,” Kaz says, aiming a kick at Norath’s leg, which he deftly avoids.

“It’s alright Kaz, all of us have at one point or another-”

“Shut _up_ -”

They test the boat’s stability for a couple of minutes with a rather violent game of footsie, more likely to give them an impressive collection of bruises than engender anything romantic, before Norath eventually concedes, and they fall silent again. They look at each contemplatively, until Norath asks, “So… are you coming? Because I mean it, I can put up with the fancy clothes and banquets if-”

Kaz cuts him off with a shake of his head. “No. I mean, I’ve enjoyed it here, these last few months, spending time with my family, but… no. I’m fooling myself by thinking I’m making a difference here. There’s no need for pilots when you’re trying to rebuild a city. If I stay, I’ll end up with some honorary position in the navy that’ll do nothing other than make my family look good.” He smiles, a warm, genuine, confident expression. “No. I’m coming with you. I’m joining the Republic Star Fleet.”

Norath’s smile in return practically bursts onto his face, and he has no hope of keeping it in check. “Good,” he says, “That’s really good. I’m glad.” He can’t think of anything more intelligent to say, other than that - the simple, unvarnished truth. From the bottom of his heart, all he wants is Kaz back with him, by his side again.

Both of them sit there grinning at each other like idiots, which quickly turns into laughter, soon followed by the shriek and _bang_ of the first firework exploding overhead. It lights up the sky and the water, illuminates Kaz’s face - Kaz, who’s agreed to come back with him, who’s agreed to _date_ him - and the moment is possibly more perfect than Norath could’ve imagined.

It only gets better when, under the light of the second firework, Kaz leans in and kisses him.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is a traditional Japanese proverb. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
